Worth it💕

Hello

I know its been a while since i posted😊

😍sorry😍
Story time
Beginning of the year “fikra” knew that it would be a tough year. Every month came with knew troubles and she could not bare it. Many are the moments she’d think of suicide or depression would marry her. It was hard to notice if anything was wrong. She is a strong support system to a lot of people around her. She is an unsung hero to most of them. She doesn’t want credit for it all she wants is for everyone around her to feel safe. To let go of the hurt and feel at home. When she faces new trials she finds someone whose facing something heavier than her load. She never wishes anyone to wear her shoes. She knows she hasn’t seen it all. She has seen half but heard three quarters of what cant be on her head. She fights for internal and external peace. She wishes she could be vocal about how she feels . She could see her world as easy as a child would. Not perfection but a world where she smiles and its genuine. Where loving is a common word filled with trustable truth.
There are people facing a lot.
.getting fired
.loosing their loved ones
.feeling useless
.fake friends
.family troubles
.economic constraints
.anxiety
Depressed
A lot goes on but people have to fight
Its a world where Bad is the new normal.
😊i wish everyone would be honest .
Tell people the truth correct them . tell them how things really are
We are bringing up a broken society and blame society for everything.
We are society lets change what we see is wrong.
“What you find draining let o of it ,as much as you value it
Its time you realise you are your own prisoner.

Many are the times we wish people loved us correctly.

We carry scars that could have healed

We build walls that weren’t to be up.

O

🌸🌸
There are moments that you feel like letting go.
You feel like you are not worth it or people take you for granted
No you are not .
Feel loved and love starts at home
As hard as it might seem
You are your number one support system
The
*World*is not sugar
As bittersweet as it is find ways of shining on a rainy day

😊

Thank you for always reading my work .

There are days I’ve felt like pulling this page done but every time that thought crosses my mind something happens

Id like you to interact with me_💕suggest what you want to see on this page❤

Bye

Have a nice week,month,day

Remember you are special and useful you deserve the peace.

Mutcy🌺

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THIS MAN🌞

SURVIVING GRACE
*_~this man Siloma~*_
Here is a little different thing from what I’m used to writing. Today I’ll write about someone whose fought with life so hard.
He is someone who motivates me to face tomorrow. When it’s hard I’ll go back and look at his journey and I’m able to feel better.
He has seen what life can do to anyone. Someone who has stood with Christ amidst what he has gone through.
STEPHEN SILOMA
He is the founder of a mental health organisation called “`Nijali“`
It works on all matters concerning mental health.
Before I say what I have to say about him. Oh I know I’ve already said a lot but hey.
I hope this shows someone who has lost hope that there is hope beyond the struggle. So keep going.
Here is something he has to say.
“*What Material Are You?*

So today I spent at Aga Khan as from 11-6pm. My outpatient cover was depleted and the hospital had misplaced this letter that authorized them to use my inpatient.

So after greeting all the nurses and other staff there, (been visiting for nine years now) one of the nurses, a friend of mine, were having a chat with me as she took my vitals and I told her of how the seizures I got had no triggers. She told me not to stress about them, I shouldn’t try so much to think what’s ailing me.

Funny, the doctor today was actually honest with me that she doesn’t know what she is ailing me nor what she was treating. No diagnosis fits my descriptions and so everything is an enigma. Am just taking medications.

I told this to a friend who is also battling epilepsy about my day today and she asked me what is going in my mind in which I told her nothing, am actually as fit as a fiddle. I told her the one who allowed this weird disease to attack me had a plan. Though I may not see it, there is a way out. I believe.

I want to speak to someone today. I remember telling the friend I rather die whilst telling someone about Christ than some weird disease to break me down 😊. This is the 14th year battling something that has had so many names (epilepsy, anxiety, schizo-affective disorder, severe depression, psychogenic seizures etc)

These were some of the medications I have been taking and are now just lying in my house. Keppra – 250mg – 88 Tablets
Lexotanil (Bromazepam) – 1.5mg – 102 Tablets
Frisium (Clobazam) – 10mg – 30 Tablets
Cipralex – 10mg – 109 Tablets
Tegretol 200mg (Plain) – 270 Tablets

So ever feel like your mountain is too steep? Know that you are not alone. Sometimes I cannot wake up in the morning, sometimes I cannot smile, sometimes I have these severe headaches, sometimes I feel so lazy and fatigued, sometimes I forget almost everything etc.

Despite all my challenges, I don’t ask God why. I actually tell Him thanks because someone somewhere wishes they were me. I rejoice always and people keep on asking me, “Are you really sick?” And I tell them no. I tell them that I am too blessed, talented and such a genius that such great intellect can’t fit in my brain. 😂

Yes sometimes the devil whispers to me, “Hey, do you know with your seizures you cannot drive your own car? Do you know that nobody would love to be married to such a sick guy? And what of your kids? 🤔” You know what I do? I let him whisper all He can and then I tell him, “It is written… ” And I know how bitter he feels when I turn my sad moments and trying tests to words of victory to build others.

Am sharing my story to talk to you. You who maybe quit on God because of the misfortunes that may have happened to you in the past. Am talking to you who has a mental disorder and thinks you’re the only one. Am talking to you who thinks that there’s no future for you, well, you may not stop the devil from whispering to you but you can always get that time to find out what God says about you. It is written, “Crucible is for the silver, furnace is for gold, the Lord tests hearts!” I have a question for you, what material are you? Plastic?

With Love 😊
Stephen Siloma

♥♥♥♥
Back to me.
From the day I met SILOMA he challenges most people . With all he has going in his life. He always has something that will make you want to face tomorrow. He always checks up on everyone at Nijali. He has created a home for a lot of people around. Regardless of what is going on in his life he gives hope and continues spreading the gospel.He is a firm Christian and always reminds us that there is a reason why he is who he is and he is facing what he is facing.
To you who is reading ,you might be going through other situations ,fight a little longer.
Dear SILOMA
You are a very strong person hold on Christ and keep believing that you will heal. We love you. We thank God you exist to always show us that mountains are meant to be climbed.
#Siloma is a hero
🌸
I’m sorry for the long read but I felt like sharing what this awesome Soul shares.
Have a nice week ,month.
Always remember to smile
Bye😊♥IMG-20190418-WA0155

PILLOW FIGHTS💓

HIGH-LIGHT?

We’ve become used to waking up to stories of bullying. We have become obsessed with blaming society or finding an excuse for sudden happenings.

We’ve been used to bullying so much that we find it funny. We end up thinking it’s a joke.

We have been used to people throwing shade people killing each other mentally then it results to death,but it seems we are used to it.

We are humans who are prone to sin. We never know when we are doing things or we never know what we throw shade at isn’t nice.

Little thoughts

SHADE

People have become natural at throwing shade. They never care about what they tell others. Well if you know you are perfect don’t try to make someone feel insecure. The only problem is we all know nobody is perfect we all have flaws. Never try to lower anyone’s love for themselves . If you are someone who thinks they are what it takes to be human then think twice. We all have equal chances. Those hateful words you utter might cause so much damage than you can think of. If you have anything negative to say kindly drink some water and take them back. If you don’t like what a person does then don’t look at what they do. If you hate how one talks then cut them off. If you think the scar on her face is not beautiful then you don’t have to look at her.

It will never harm you to show kindness, appreciate those things that matter. If your friend is a creative love their art don’t talk about it. If they are entrepreneurs go get their business going. If all it takes for a friend to smile is you appreciating then do it.

*_Never make people go soak their pillow,think they are not worthy ,want to die or vent out *_

Always remember throwing shade is a TotalTurnOff. It makes you look stupid. When you want to do this always ask yourself what will the victim feel

CARE

When you have friends check up on them. I know it sounds cliche’ but still this is an important step.Learn to know the strength and weakness of people around you. Know when they are good or not. What torments them and what doesn’t.

Never ask how someone is if you are faking it. Do not show fake love just because you want to look good or you want some benefits.

FAKE

Don’t be someone who is used by whatever uses you to pretend that you really care. Don’t make someone think of killing themselves , don’t make anyone want to stop doing what makes them happy.

This is not a highlight this is the Lowest level of inhumane thinking.

YOU

You who received those words that your mind and heart didn’t like.

Those are just words ,those are just actions from people who don’t know what they want in life.

1. Cutting those negative people.

If you find anyone toxic don’t hesitate to cut them off. If they piss you you off then say goodbye. It’s that time that people take care of themselves. If anyone is not making positive remarks or trying to correct you for the better then forget them.

2. Face your fears

Learn how to handle what scares you. Try once more . Remember don’t prove them right.

3Free your mind

Do not think about negative comments .

4Expectations

Never have expectations. Be a pessimist or optimist when needed.

5.Exercise and take some water

6. Find help when it’s needed

7.Trust the process

8.LOVE

love yourself,love who you are . No words will ever make red look like grey.

🍃 Stop SHADDING🍃

Mutcy

✨ LOVING ME CORRECTLY✨

img_20190306_150637_5-1Healing and more
We all have different scars and by scars I mean something that is a pain away.
We have a lot to heal from.It can be from a stressful work place, lack of income , family , partners,let’s say emotional ,mental and physical.
We have different types of healing and how we approach healing.
Some of us hurt ourselves mostly when it comes to relationships. When we often do things for our partners and they lack the art of appreciation or even noticing. We also hurt ourselves by not loving who we are. Or wanting people to first say sorry.Don’tbreak your heart . Never have expectations. They hurt and burn the most. People are busy working with your insecurities . People are bust with life. Yes , people will not talk to you when they don’t need you. Yes, people will fire you ,yes people will die. Yes, people will dump you. Yes , people will play you. Yes, people will use you. The point remains that people will remain to be human. With different personalities. We learn how to live with everyone. 

This is how I view healing.
1.😌 ACKNOWLEDGE
It is important to know that there is something one needs to take care off. Knowing what hurts helps in finding the best cure. This makes it easy for one to know what to do and what not to do.
2.😁ACCEPTANCE
One should be able to accept what has already happened. To accept is a step ahead. With this people have started the healing process.
Accepting that you got sacked , accept that you got dumped , accepting you are sick , accepting you are wrong
Well accepting what you cannot change
3😃Going through the memories
We have history that has been writing for someone to get a scar. We all have to go through the sad and Happy moments . Recognise each and every sad and Happy thing. If you are able to do this with no difficulty then thumbs up you are healing.
4.🙂Start the journey
This is through taking the scar as your own. Accepting that this is your cross . Knowing the outcome of various decisions that you will have made after healing
5.😅Stay strong.
Have hope that after all this you will have cured a scar. A scar that wasn’t to be there for long.
Keep the right circle of people.
6.😃No going back
No matter how hard it seems or how tired you feel there is no going back or giving up
7.😊Do not try to explain .
Most people try to explain or cover up things. What happened happened and no matter what name you painy it ,it won’t change.
8.☺Process
It’s a process ,so accept the process.
🥀🌸🌺
Sometimes it’s us who cause pain to ourselves. When never know when to say stop or not to allow people to hurt us.
Other times we choose to ignore the fact that people aren’t what we thought of. Maybe your work place was not your home. Maybe who you loved was to be your lesson.
Maybe just maybe
🥰love yourself ,train you to be for you✊🏼
Society is out here working hard to destroy or build you✊🏼
You never know
❤Own your healing process
Mutcy ✨

THE BODY IS HIS ART

At my age it got hard for me to speak out . I used to be the little girl at the corner with a husky voice
That didn’t make me shake though I ended up enjoying that. Most boys at that time had soft voices and I was the only one in our class with a shaky voice. Each time I’d speak people would be shocked
Then I got to class six where children learn about adolescence. Here most of the boys had broken their voices and I had gotten company.
Then people started body shaming others . Those with broad chests didn’t want to play with the other “small boys”. Girls with breasts got insecurities because people had a myth that the bigger the chest the more the hands that passed there. Them with the bigger butts didn’t go unnoticed too.
Those with acne and pimples got a lot of shade. This made them weak.
At a tender age most of the children around experience isolation, rejection and all sorts of mental torture. Some are from not well up families who try to attend school to change their social status ,some are looking for a safe haven from broken families , some are looking for a meal and others run to school to find a peaceful home.
After going through the primary school education. People now find a new and explorative area that’s the high school. This is when Tom Dick and Harry will learn about themselves. Most of the people around this age notice a lot of changes going on they can have negative or positive results. We teach teens of do’s and don’t but forget that there is a spot for their mental space. People easily fall into depression without noticing. When they withdraw themselves and Isolation starts. Then they get a thumbs up for being anti-social. Teens don’t know who to turn to. They run to vices and hide away in things that can harm them. The few who notice keep it to themselves , rarely do they want to get help. Others find help. It’s also believed that mental health is a white mans land
At this age they are almost fully developed. Ladies will not want short men because they say short men are not safe or they look like their sons . Most men want a light skinned lady in the belief that she is more beautiful ,this inturn causes the melanin or dark skins to bleach or feel bad. Some of the women who have been rejected fall into depression and end up committing suicide when they can’t take it anymore.
Other ladies have no or small breasts . Here the men rarely want to associate with them because they say that they have male attributes. The ones with large butts can either easily pass before men or it’s a struggle. Lets not forget about the men. There are men with soft voices ” soprano:s they get some shade and women don’t easily accept them as partners.The female counterparts rarely get approved because a man would say *siezi oa msichana anaongea kwa sauti nzito kuniliko*meaning (I can’t marry a woman with a tougher voice than I have
There is a lot that comes with body shaming.
Our bodies are the perfection of art by God ,when we shame them it’s ignorance and disrespect.
Be loving and mind your mouth and limit what comes out of it.
Don’t be arrogant and be the reason one would question God or soak their pillow with tears.
There is more to find out about a person than the physical aspects how about : ones highs and lows one’s likes and dislikes ones past and future ,ones goals ,ones dream’s,ones favorite drink and all that . I mean there is a lot .
Everyone is worth being who they are
We as humans should learn to appreciate ourselves and others
Take care of your mental health because most of the times our neighbours might be too busy.Dont harm anyone’s mind ♥️
Mutcy✨

Thank you note♥️

We live not telling people of their importance. We have those people who prefer to be behind the scenes. Those that are our prayer warriors. That is where most of us put our parents. We prefer not to recognise what our parents or guardians go through. They too have mountains to walk . No matter what happens they will still have your back . We never say thank you. Then we have those friends that share our joy and sorrows . The only thing that ties us together is a bond. Some awkward situation , precious happenings or its just flaws. It’s very rare for people to be thankful when they are supposed to .  Some might use others in disguise . This is where we meet different types of people.
There those :
~Who will do what is right and walk away  having in mind that a good deed is a good deed expecting nothing in return.
~🍬Who will do service because they expect something in return
~🍬Who will do anything because of the relationship
~🍬Who will do anything because it’s their love for action

It’s not often easy for us to appreciate the impact of different people . At times we find it normal not to say we are grateful. We even forget those who care but a simple appreciation might make someones tear to be a smile.
Some of those people:
~✨Are going through tougher times
~✨some just need assurance to move on
~✨others do it because they want to touch a heart
This makes people realise the history.
But ¶🎉🎉
Christ says “♥️without love then deeds are useless♥️”
So in saying this magic words
{Thank you}
It helps us avoid late goodbyes,or even makes us avoid regret on never telling people there worth.
1.Some people might get lost along the way.This makes it hard for communication.😪
2.Some might feel unwanted and decide to walk away.😣
3.Some hate ungrateful people.
Well, others Die💔
Take time and tell people of there importance in life
Most importantly be real.
One day we might wake up and realise they are not there anymore
Before we start to regret they are not alive 😫
Before we start to regret they have moved on.☺️
Before we realize they are hurt beyond repair.💔
Before we know they stopped caring😪.

Smile note😍

Dear you♥️

BLACK MY LOVE

My love for darkness grows as I also grow older. Finding dark stuff captivating and the light too much.I used to fear the night, now all I crave for is it’s darkness.The sound of gunshots on the TV screen used to scare me, now am captivated by live bullets .The thought of going to high places made me feel high. I had a thing ,a height phobia that now turned into love.When i see so many stairs in a building i smile. I one day said to one that it was a perfect place for murder but i was not thinking of suicide or something I just felt like it. I used to fear all men in black. Now I wear black and relate so well wondering where was I all this time my black love my crush? I used to laugh so much but my smile is limited.I never used to love talking with my eyes but now i think its my best way to get my point across. I think the society also pours some water to this growth too. It also loves black but I find our ways different. We have changed our lives to media lives. We get married though a status then we bond over a chat then expose our feelings in the status. Our behavior sounds too bad but in our eyes it looks good. We are never bothered when friend never visits but we are bothered with the same friend blue and grey ticks. This means our mindset has darkened lost priority. Black is what is termed as dark but our lives are dim. We even cant light them using a candle. I don’t know what type of light each person needs so I’ll go back to my love , black. Something that expresses so much in just one word. I still want to find the truth. Why I was afraid of the dark and now I feel at home when the night draws close. When all lights are put off. This is my comfort zone. The society around me too. Where most people are able to think and act. The problem is what we love the dark for. Anyway this has become my definition. Something am growing in love with and my daily bread. With the help of people around me I get to grow too. When they adorn in black they make me smile but we speak of two different types and never will I want to agree on their side . Am not crossing lanes
*Black*

Sought Justice

I was twelve when I first saw her
A woman I thought was my second mum
I had so much trust in her
If only I knew
She was jack of all trades
The preachers wife who always had an inviting face
Taking note of me being motherless
She wanted me to taste motherly love
So for lunch she invited me
This was how my flower was plucked into bleeding
Innocent as i was
I ran happily
That same day
The black of all days
I knew only of two numbers
One I was defiled and two shots happened
That exactly explains that I was twelve
I never knew who to turn to
This is supposed to be my suicidal letter but
I am now healing
Getting to understand more of what went down
Other than my self esteem going down
Women ask why would a man be brutal
If the same question was posed to me
More answers could be given
I changed
This made me feel that I had character
A bafoon a racoon a decendant of baboon a goon to die so soon
That’s how I felt
Then the society wanted me to hide my tears
Men don’t cry they said
But what should I do
I couldn’t hold it I wore a skirt and ran to cry
I made sure to cry once and never let that same reason
Force me to skirt
This painful feeling
I had heard of no healing
Boy child girl child
Wouldn’t this word stop making a difference
To some extend that
For one to cry you need to be a girl
A boy child must stay strong
Being a crybaby is no mans bother
You should maintain the hurt
The thought of kale kasichana kasupuu kasupuu sana kasupu kama msupa kwa supa reminds me of Samantha again that’s the name of preacher’s wife
Am not mad at her but still forgiveness doest just happen
When i do forgive her I’ll also forget the society
This wound that she created in me
In that black of all days
The eighth day of my week
That made me weak
This road to healing is teaching me so much
Just one step to teen
Then I saw all sides of her coin
I didn’t dare flip
I was shocked
Am still walking on that change of a road
But I think am over grown
Seen much more
Tears now don’t flow
The heart that I had
Still flows even when broken
I no longer express what I feel
Am so hard a book to judge from the cover
Mrs preacher just so you know
I have reported your case
Seems your known
Saw her singing
Na mwogopa mungu pekee
Mwanadamu kija kuntafash naomba mungu ntetee
Is that what you call being high
I mean she was in spirit but preaching the water
I wish that this case goes my way
Am ready to tell you
That I got hurt
Tell people that its okay to cry
Then finally get my justice
But it will forever remain coded to my mind
That you deflowered me

@mutcy_black_poet